If you’ve been cheated on, or if you’ve found yourself on the other side of betrayal, you’ve probably heard some version of this phrase: once a cheater always a cheater.

It’s sharp. It’s final. And it’s everywhere.

Infidelity is one of the most triggering relational injuries we can experience.

It ruptures trust, security, and the story we thought we were living.

And yet, as painful as it is, it’s also more common than most people want to admit.

Because it hurts, we look for certainty. We want to know what it means.

We want rules: how to act, what to feel, what to do next.

That’s where the myths come in—often oversimplified ideas that can keep us from healing, seeing clearly, or making grounded decisions.

Myth #1: Is It True That Once a Cheater Always a Cheater

This phrase implies that cheating is a fixed character flaw. That if someone betrays you once, they’ll do it again. But is it true that once a cheater always a cheater?

Infidelity isn’t always a pattern. Some people do repeat betrayals, yes. But others are devastated by their own actions and committed to change.

Affairs happen for complex reasons: unprocessed trauma, unmet emotional needs, fear of aging, avoidance of conflict, or a longing to feel alive again.

Cheating is a behavior, not an identity.

What matters most is how the person responds to the rupture—do they take responsibility, seek repair, and do the work to understand why it happened?

Myth #2: If They Really Loved You, They Wouldn’t Have Cheated

This myth makes love and betrayal feel mutually exclusive. But the truth is messier.

People can love their partners and still betray them. Often not because they want to cause harm, but because they are disconnected from themselves, acting out unconscious patterns, or unable to face their own emotional pain.

Love doesn’t always equal emotional maturity. That doesn’t excuse the betrayal, but it does complicate the narrative.

Myth #3: You Should Leave Immediately

For some, leaving is the right choice. But for others, it’s not so simple.

Staying after betrayal doesn’t mean you’re weak, codependent, or lacking self-respect.

It might mean you see potential for healing. It might mean the betrayal was a rupture in an otherwise meaningful relationship. Or it might just mean you need time.

Every relationship is different. What matters is whether repair feels possible—and safe—for you.

Myth #4: Cheating Only Happens in Unhappy Relationships

Affairs often happen in what look like good relationships. The couple might be loving, respectful, connected—and still, one partner steps outside the relationship.

Sometimes it’s about the relationship.

But other times, it’s about the person’s inner world. Emotional immaturity, fear of intimacy, anxiety, or unhealed wounds from childhood can all drive behavior that has nothing to do with the partner being betrayed.

Myth #5: It’s Always About Sex

Affairs aren’t always about physical desire. Many are emotional. Many are about validation, escapism, or feeling seen.

It can be about reclaiming a part of yourself you’ve lost. About not knowing how to express needs. About loneliness inside the relationship that neither partner could name. Sex may be part of it—but it’s rarely the whole story.

Final Thoughts

Affairs are deeply painful. They shake the foundation of everything familiar. But when we reduce them to tired tropes and rigid rules, we lose the opportunity to understand what really happened.

So if you’re asking yourself if it’s true that once a cheater always a cheater—know this: whether you stay or go, what matters most is not what the world tells you to do. It’s what feels honest, aligned, and safe in your body.

You get to take your time. You get to decide what healing looks like. And you get to choose what comes next.