A relationship coach is a trained guide whose expertise in relationships can be a third set of ears and eyes. Whatever goal you have for your relationship, a coach can help assess your relational strengths as well as what may be getting in the way.  We can then help you get clear on how to remove the blocks and add the skills to get there.

A skilled relationship coach will have trained in a modality that focuses on couples. In this realm, you’ll find Ellyn Bader’s Developmental model, John Gottman’s Four Horseman, Sue Johnson’s EFT, Terry Real’s RLT, Harville Hendrix’s Imago and Stan Tatkin’s PACT as the primary thought leaders and trainers in the couples field.

I chose to train with Ellyn Bader as the developmental model closely resonates with my beliefs around relationships while also tying all approaches together. I do draw inspiration from each model and I’m sure in our sessions you will end up hearing a bit about each approach as they become relevant to your circumstance.

The developmental model is a framework that holds these tenets as the key to a deeply satisfying relationship:
• Individuals must learn to accept and live with our differences as a couple; that a couples’ task is to develop a healthy negotiation style where…
• Individuals must recognize that the *I* and the *We* can and always do co-exist – that this mutual interdependence corrects the overfocus on autonomy and codependency.

While most of us want deep intimacy, we are often scared of what that entails.
These fears can show up in different ways: being trapped, losing ourselves, being abandoned, betrayed, etc.

Our fears can begin to sabotage our relationships with passive-aggressive behavior, shutting down, avoidance, and addiction — all of which can subconsciously serve as protective barriers to help us avoid our vulnerability and ironically prevent us from getting what we want most from our relationship. 

It’s can be a cruel cycle until we learn how to step out of it and approach our relationship with the same care and attentiveness as we do other parts of our lives that we piroritize.

It requires learning to grow our own capacity to deal more constructively with our relationships’ most difficult issues.

The developmental model allows us to recognize where we get stuck, and how to grow in relationship.

A coaching program is structured to ensure each partner gets a chance to speak and be acknowledged. My role is to ensure you are both heard and received by your partner.

Some sessions will focus on one partner and some will focus on the other, and some will be on both.

I will also guide you through specific exercises to build your communication skills.

Practices will often be given so that you take what you are learning in sessions and practice them with each other before our next session.  You will find each of you bring different gifts and some practices may requrire more support from our partner than others.

Right now, I offer sessions on Zoom only.  The ideal is that both of you are in the same room on one screen.  Sometimes, however, all three of us may need to be in differnt places and that can work also.

Although there are important historical and current distinctions between these two processes, there are also natural overlaps which are evolving towards each other and are being acknowledged among coaches and therapists. 

For our purposes, I am clear that the focus of our work together is supporting the goals of relationship.  Part of our initial discovery call is to also assess the need for therapy instead of/or in parralel with relationship coaching.

Therapists are trained to diagnose mental health issues, treat depression, anxiety, and trauma. There is a focus on examination of the past; to recognize where your emotional issues may stem from.

Coaching works by creating a vision for the future, setting communication goals, educating the client where needed, and giving specific exercises to promote growth. While coaching will likely look at your family of origin to find the patterns that may be present today; we don’t overly delve into the past or do deep trauma work.

A good coach recognizes when they are out of their scope of competence and will refer you to a trauma therapist if needed.

Growth is not linear.

The first action of reaching out for relationship help already plants the first seed.

Creating the space to work on your relationship allows real growth to occur.

As you learn to respond differently, you’ll begin to feel different.

Shifts will happen over time.

Negative cycles will occur less frequently, but they will still occur and your capacity to work with them can become graceful.

Awareness of the principles will come quickly during our session, but the real knowing comes from your practicing what we talk about during the rest of the week.  Let’s keep checking in on what’s going smoothly and what challenges are still present.

The bad news/good news is that coaching is not a quick fix, but coaching certainly works over time as you bring the gifts from our conversations into your real life.

I am a heterosexual, cis, able-bodied female with a preference for being in a monogamous relationship.

I recognize that relationships come in different forms. I am committed to being with you from a place of non judgment and have experience with other styles of relationships.

I welcome all of it, and can help lead you through your journey – wherever you are.

Clients tell me I have a calm, peaceful demeanor that helps them relax and feel safe. I have a gentle and compassionate approach. I am quiet and contemplative but will also interrupt and guide you where necessary.

I am deeply passionate about relationships; I am always reading and invested in ongoing education.

I truly love this work; and am committed to doing everything I can to help you on your path.

Coaching is a process that invites couples to excavate their beliefs, feelings and expectations in the relationship.

Coaching will bring awareness to the patterns and cycles that exist in your relationship.

At first, this can stir-up difficult emotions in both partners. You may wonder why you started the process in the first place.

With time, as both partners take steps towards communicating with empathy, respect and love — new pathways begin to emerge.

As you gain clarity into yourself, your relationship will begin to get the healing it needs to grow into a deeper, more wholesome love.

First, you cannot expect your partner to change without also looking at the ways you also need to change.

Hence, you can be the one to begin to make changes and grow on your own.

This in turn can motivate the unmotivated partner to move towards creating changes in their own selves.

In the event that you and your partner become misaligned; you can make a conscious decision to stay or leave the relationship.

Absolutely. It only takes one person to begin to make a shift in the dynamic of your relationship.

Coaching can help you recognize where you are, where you’d like to be — and help you find the right path to get there.

Whether you’re not sure if you want to stay in the relationship, or need help getting through a specific issue – we can work together to help you get the clarity you need to move forward.

While not guaranteed, your own process may inspire your partner to join you.

First, I want to congratulate you for making the decision to get support for your relationship.

This first step requires courage. It’s okay to feel scared and not know what to expect.

All couples coaches will tell you: it may feel a bit worse before it gets better. There is a brief “pang” when we start to look at something we’ve been ignoring. We will hold that moment together.

Shifting the aspects of your relationship that are not working takes time.

Yet, you will begin to feel better by having a safe space to begin to heal.

Here are some ways to ensure you’ll get the most of the time, money and energy you invest into coaching.

1. Show up. Couples who get the most out of coaching set a consistent time every week, don’t cancel sessions, and show up whether they feel like it or not.

2. Take responsibility. Recognize that you are part of the dynamic. Don’t spend your time trying to convince your coach or therapist everything that is wrong with your partner. This will take some time to recognize. Becoming aware of your part in the dynamic is the most important thing you can do.

3. Be mindful. You are investing a lot into this process. Use the time wisely by not escalating your voice, speaking over your partner, or expecting the coach to have all the answers. Coaching cannot ‘fix’ you or your relationship. Only you can do the practices to help you improve your relational skills.

4. Practice. The skills learned in coaching will build over time and only with practice. Set time aside weekly to do the homework exercises, relax your nervous system, and set the stage for success. This really works.

Every couple is different and may require short or longer-term coaching depending on your needs. I recommend an estimated number of sessions based on your goals and the nature of the issue. While there is no pressure to sign up, my belief (and what’s been proven to work) is to have both partners commit to a course of at least 3 months together.

For couples, I also ask to see each partner individually for 1-2 sessions so that I can get to know each of you more freely, as part of a thorough assessment process.

Some processes require 1-2 sessions to gain clarity, while others, like affairs, require a deeper commitment of 6-12 or more sessions.

You can expect to pay $185 for 75 minute sessions. Coaching programs begin at $1200 and go up to $3000.

I work with a few couples at a time to ensure everyone gets the care they need.

Your sessions happen once a week.

I take time in between meetings to continually reflect on where you are and plan our next session to find the best path to help you navigate your issues with the utmost care.

This takes energy, time, and effort that you as the couple never see. Yet this invisible part of the process is integral to your care. Every skilled coach or therapist takes this time to fully understand who you are, what you need, and how to best help.

I understand what it’s like to need help but not be able to afford it in your current reality. I have a few spots for sliding scale; please send me a note describing your situation and I’ll do my best to help you.

In the event of major mental health issues, domestic violence, severe trauma or addiction issues, it is best for the client to work with a trained, licensed therapist. I am not qualified to work with couples who are in a domestic abuse situation, or are in early recovery from addiction issues.

I’m French Canadian currently located in Sonoma, California.

I see clients on Zoom – as long as we can find a compatible time to meet within time zones, I am happy to meet with you from anywhere in the world.

If your goal is to be in a relationship, I can help you get clear on what kind of partnership is best for you; and how to become the partner you want to be. You’ll learn the skills you need to be in supportive partnership, and hopefully find him or her along the way! Click here for a free consultation

Nope! You can feel free to send an email to growinrelationship@gmail.com with any questions you have about the process.