If you’ve been betrayed, you’re probably searching for something that can explain what you’re going through. Maybe you’ve been scrolling through lists of books at 2 AM, hoping one of them will have the words for what’s happening in your chest, your stomach, your sleepless nights. Here’s what I need you to know: there aren’t enough books on betrayal trauma that address the full weight of what you’re experiencing.
Most relationship advice feels hollow or rushes you toward healing before acknowledging the crater that’s been blown through your life.
But there are a few books on betrayal trauma that stand out—books that understand what betrayal actually does to a person. They’re worth reading slowly, and more than once. And they might be the companions you need right now.
Why Most Books on Betrayal Trauma Miss the Mark
Most relationship books talk about “moving on” or “repairing trust,” but they don’t touch the full reality of betrayal trauma. Betrayal isn’t just a trust issue—it’s a nervous system collapse, an attachment rupture, and a loss of identity. That’s why these books on betrayal trauma stand out: they don’t minimize your pain, they meet it.
The One Betrayal Trauma Book I Recommend to Everyone: The Betrayal Bind by Michelle Mays
If you only read one of the available books on betrayal trauma, let it be this one.
Michelle Mays wrote the definitive book on betrayal trauma. She understands betrayal trauma as an attachment injury, not a character flaw or a relationship problem that can be solved with better communication.
She doesn’t rush you to forgive, fix, or stay in the relationship. She doesn’t minimize your pain or tell you that healing means returning to who you were before.
What makes this book different is how Mays holds the paradox at the heart of betrayal trauma: the person who hurt you is often the person you’re still attached to. The person who shattered your sense of safety might also be the person you instinctively turn to for comfort. This isn’t weakness or stupidity—it’s attachment theory in action.
Her framework is comprehensive without being overwhelming. She doesn’t sugarcoat the reality of what you’re facing, but she also doesn’t pathologize your experience.
This is the book that will help you understand that your reactions are normal, that your pain makes sense, and that whatever you decide to do next—stay, leave, or take time—is valid.
Feeling lost right now?
Books can help, but sometimes you need more than pages.
If you’ve been cheated on, you might feel like you’re losing your mind.
You can’t stop the thoughts.
Your stomach won’t settle.
One minute you’re numb, the next you’re crying on the floor.
This is betrayal trauma. And it makes you feel like you’ll never get steady again.
That’s why I created a free Betrayal Recovery Quiz.
In just a two minutes, you’ll see if you’re in the Crisis stage, the Meaning-Making stage, or the Rebuilding stage.
You’ll get simple steps to help you calm down and know what to do next.
👉 Take the free Betrayal Recovery Quiz here
You don’t have to figure this out alone. This quiz will show you where you are, and what you need right now.
It takes just a few minutes and will give you clarity on the stage you’re in, along with practical next steps.
When Your Body Won’t Calm Down: Transcending Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder by Dennis Ortman
If your body is reacting like it’s still under threat, this book will help you understand why.
Dennis Ortman draws the parallel between PTSD and betrayal trauma with clinical and spiritual precision. PISD stands for Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder—essentially, the way betrayal creates symptoms that mirror post-traumatic stress disorder.
This is one of the few books on betrayal trauma that validates your experience in a way that cuts through the fog of confusion.
When people tell you to “just get over it” or wonder why you’re still struggling months later, Ortman’s work gives you the language to explain what’s happening.
The intrusive thoughts that won’t stop.
The hypervigilance that has you checking phones, analyzing every expression, reading threat into innocent interactions.
The emotional flooding that leaves you sobbing in grocery store aisles.
The way your body won’t let you rest, even when you’re exhausted. Ortman normalizes all of it.
His writing is accessible and deeply validating. He offers grounding practices and emotional regulation tools designed for the early stages of betrayal trauma, when your nervous system is still in survival mode.
This book won’t fix everything, but it will help you understand that your body’s reactions are not an overreaction—they’re an appropriate response to a profound violation of trust and safety.
If You’re Deciding Whether to Stay or Leave: After the Affair by Shirley Glass
This book is a solid companion if you’re in the stage of trying to make sense of what comes next.
Shirley Glass’s work is a classic, widely recommended by therapists and often the first book people encounter when searching for help after infidelity. It’s not explicitly written through a betrayal trauma lens, but it offers strong psychoeducation about the impact of affairs and practical guidance for both partners.
Glass helps you understand the different types of affairs, the stages of recovery, and what rebuilding trust actually requires—if that’s the path you choose. Her work is better suited for couples who are actively doing repair work together, but it can also help individual betrayed partners make sense of what happened and what healthy boundaries look like.
The book doesn’t go as deep into the somatic or trauma territory as the others on this list, but it’s thorough and grounded in clinical experience. If you’re looking for a roadmap for potential reconciliation—or if you need help understanding the betraying partner’s perspective—this book offers valuable insights.
What’s Still Missing From Books on Betrayal Trauma
We need more books on betrayal trauma that speak directly to the somatic experience—the way it lives in your body, not just your thoughts. We need more stories from betrayed partners that don’t end in tidy reconciliation arcs, because not all betrayals can or should be forgiven.
While we wait for those books to be written, remember this: your healing isn’t limited by what’s available on the shelf.
You might need to piece together wisdom from multiple sources. You can also find a therapist or coach who specializes in betrayal trauma. And it’s important to trust your own inner knowing about what you need, even when the books can’t give you a roadmap.
The good news is that while the books are few, the ones that exist are powerful. They’re written by people who understand that betrayal trauma is real, that your pain is valid, and that healing is possible even when it doesn’t look like what you expected.
Find Out Where You Are in Betrayal Recovery
Reading about books on betrayal trauma can bring clarity, but it can also leave you wondering: why can’t I stop the thoughts? Why does my body feel like it’s in danger? Why am I okay one minute and shattered the next?
This is all part of betrayal trauma. It’s not “just in your head.”
That’s why I created a free Betrayal Recovery Quiz.
In just a few minutes, you’ll find out if you’re in the Crisis, Meaning-Making, or Rebuilding stage—and get simple next steps to help you feel more grounded.
👉 Take the free Betrayal Recovery Quiz here
You don’t have to guess where you are. This quiz will give you the clarity you’ve been searching for.
